It can feel hard to have conversations about sensitive topics with our kids. I know when it comes to talking about food and bodies, I personally don’t want to ‘mess it up’.
I know that’s not really a thing. We can’t control exactly how our kids will interpret any specific thing, and I also believe that it’s more about the overall environment that we create as opposed to one single conversation.
With that said, I still aim to do my best to talk about food and bodies in a way that promotes confidence, neutrality, and respect.
The other night my daughter made a comment about tummies, and then her tummy. And I tried to navigate it in a way that would promote curiosity and critical thinking while also providing space to talk through it. At the same… trying to avoid judgment and shame.
When things come up, I try to remember to ask questions, empathize, and give them space to be heard. At the end of the day, that’s more important than any specific thing we can try to ‘teach’ 💛
Trusting Your Child
My husband walked in with 3 large, green slushies on Christmas Eve. ‘Really?” I thought.
We had been baking Christmas cookies for two days. Our neighbors had been dropping off containers of home-baked goods and boxes of chocolates. We were about to host an evening full of hot chocolate and more cookies, followed by Christmas day’s loaded stockings, pie, and more chocolate and cookies…
‘Ummm… we need more sugar?’ Lol.
And as I said it to him out loud, I caught myself…
I took a breath and thought, ‘Nicole, you trust your kids. It’s not a big deal.’
So that’s what I did. I trusted them to navigate their slushy drinks along with the other sugar-filled snacks and things.
It’s not always easy, but trust is an essential part of the feeding relationship with our children. We need to trust them to navigate food and listen to their bodies, and they need to trust us to provide enough food, and food they enjoy, on a regular basis.
Check out this video for more and let me know your thoughts in the comments 💛
Talking to your child about calories
I was out at a restaurant with a group of families. We were eating pizza and chicken wings and the kids all got soda cups for the soda machine.
I then heard one parent say, “No more soda. It has too many calories.”
Because of the culture we live in, it’s incredibly normal to have these reactions come up in us:
👉 That’s enough.
👉 It’s too much sugar.
👉 Too many calories…
However, expressing these thoughts is typically not helpful and has the potential to be harmful.
Calories are units of energy. They’re fuel. They’re not a bad thing.
But saying that something has too many calories does a few different things…
👉 It makes calories seem like a bad thing.
👉 It shifts to using external guidance for eating instead of internal cues.
👉 It has the potential to become focused or obsessive about checking calories or trying to reduce them.
So, when in these situations, when it feels like your child is having ‘too much’…
👉 Avoid saying anything about the food or your child’s body
👉 Check in with yourself and consider why that makes you uncomfortable and ideally say nothing!
👉 If you ‘need’ to say something, make it be about what’s available, not the food itself
Check out the video for more info and specific scripts to use, including if they say, “But why??”
Over the holidays and with the kids out of school due to Covid, we’ve had some days where my husband and I were engaged in work, meeting with clients or on phone calls, and we didn't have extra support for the kids.
And when I came out from working, I found my kids with bags of chips, popcorn, veggie straws, a thing of peanut butter, Christmas candy... in the living room.
Do they know they're not supposed to eat in the living room?
Yes
Do they know they're not supposed to take food without asking?
Yes
Would I have offered all those things they got out?
No
Was I there to support them?
No
I had gotten caught up in work and forgotten to put out some snacks on the kitchen table.
I wasn't upset about what they ate or worried about it. However, I wanted to support them in getting more variety and eating at the table.
It's normal for kids to grab what's convenient. And that's why our job as parents is to choose the food and provide the opportunity for them to have different options.
But often, we come from a place of wanting to control what they eat or to provide variety in a way that's actually coming more from a place of restriction as opposed to support.
Check out this short video to help you assess your own intentions when feeding your kiddo!
Then leave a comment and let me know what comes up for you!
Do you feel supportive? restrictive? or something else?
Happy New Year my friend!
I'm continually so grateful for you, being here with me, and allowing me to support you in opting out of diet culture, promoting inclusivity, and creating positive experiences with food.
Whether you feel well versed in feeding yourself and your family through a non-diet lens, or you're brand new to these ideas, 2022 is the perfect time to dig in even deeper and solidify what's best for you and your family.
You deserve to be free of food guilt and shame, to trust yourself and your child to eat, and to live in a culture that values all bodies.
While that's not the culture we live in, we can opt out of diet culture as much as possible and hope to stand for something different and pave the way for future generations.
Happy New Year!🎆 🎉
You mean, like they can leave a cookie on their plate because they’re listening to their tummy and they’ve had enough?
Yes, yes, yes!
That is what I mean.
I was talking to my good friend the other day as we watched my daughter color her coloring page while paying zero attention to her strawberry Frappuccino with whipped cream on top.
My friend was surprised at how little attention my four year old was paying to her whipped cream and how intent she was on coloring, which led us to talking about helping your child be able to leave sweets because they’ve had enough or not interested… as opposed to feeling like they have to eat sweets because they’re available.
This is true for so many adults too, feeling like they can’t stop eating certain foods, and often sugary ones.
My friend shared how she watched her son-in-law eat pie on Thanksgiving until he didn’t feel well, and she wanted to say, “Honey, I have more pie. You can take a plate to go.”
So often we do eat from a place of scarcity and so do our kids, especially sweets.
For more on this, check out this video :)
And I would love for you to join me in my FREE class, happening NOW, called Help Your Child Leave Sweets.
Register at www.nicolecruzrd.com/registration
Let's talk about vegetables!
If you’re like most parents, you might be concerned that your child’s not eating enough vegetables.
When we’re raising intuitive eaters and practicing the Division of Responsibility (DOR), we’re usually told that following this approach will help our child eat more variety (including veggies) and not obsess about sweets so much.
But sometimes, that’s not exactly what happens...
Recently in my course, Feed your Family with Confidence, a participant raised her concern that since switching to DOR her child won't eat ANY vegetables and she’s eating more sweets than before.
I know this sparks a lot of concern for parents, but to be honest, this is generally expected and part of the process!
If your child previously had to try a bite of everything or finish their plate in order to get dessert, they may want to test the boundaries, like ‘Can I really get away with eating NO vegetables?’
It can be uncomfortable to sit through, but usually, it just takes time to even back out. But even then, you don’t have to do NOTHING.
It might be tempting to go back to requiring a few bites or bribing with dessert. But instead, you might consider:
Trying to make veggies more fun!
Like our FYFWC participant did!
She took all the condiments out of the fridge and had a veggie tasting party! Her daughter was so excited to participate and EAT the veggies. She also went on to ask if they could try a new dressing on kale salad.
💛 Think of providing veggies as fun, instead of a ‘have to get them to eat’.
💛 Get your kiddo involved in the preparation.
💛 Ask them if there is a particular dip or dressing they want to try.
💛 Throw a condiment party and dip a variety of different veggies and other foods!
Rather than requiring, think about fun and exposure :)
For more ways to up the fun, grab my free guide: Make Meals Fun (without a lo
What's at the core of your child's relationship with sweets?
The parents already enrolled in Making Sense of Sweets are sharing how tired, frustrated, and concerned they are about their child and sugar.
Their child seems hyper focused or even obsessive with sweets. Or maybe they're just tired of dealing with the constant requests for candy, ice cream, and cookies... or the negotiating at meals to get to dessert.
If you know, you know ;)
And so often this is a snow ball effect of sorts. The more frustrated we get as parents, the more negative energy we pour into the situation, and the snowball of obsession grows bigger and bigger.
I'm not promising that you can change your child's relationship with sweets overnight, but you can start to chisel away at that snowball by looking at all the different puzzle pieces that are building it...
How you talk about sweets.
How you serve sweets.
Your mindset and energy around sweets...
And slowly get back to the core of who your child is when it comes to sugar and sweets. They will still enjoy the candy and cookies and ice cream, but it doesn't have to come with all these extra layers.
And that's exactly what we do in Making Sense of Sweets. We peel back those layers and chisel away at all the pieces to get to the core, just a normal and healthy relationship with sugar.
Because the truth is, this is frustrating for you, but it also feels bad for your child. They don't like the tension around sugar, the guilt for wanting it, or the feelings of restriction and deprivation.
That's what this is really about... empowering your child in their relationship with food so they feel confident and trusting of themselves and of you!
If this resonates with you, you don't want to feel so frustrated about sugar and yoru kiddo, and you also want to help them have a healthy relationship with sweets, I hope you take this opportunity to join Making Sense of Sweets!
Enrollment closes today!
Join at:
*https://courses.nicolecruzrd.com/courses/making-sense-of-sweets/buy
*or the link in my bio!
Comment
Are you making your child more preoccupied with sweets?
My daughter got a Wizard of Oz Dorothy dress that she has been loving! And one of my sweet family members sent her a pair of sparkly, red slippers to accompany it. The other day she put them on and then walked in my room and said, “I want to wear my slippers to bed.”
I responded by saying, “I understand they are new and exciting! You can try to wear them to bed but I don’t know if that will be very comfortable,” and then we went about our day. Come bedtime she didn’t even want to wear them.
If I had told my daughter “No, you can’t wear your slippers to bed,” she probably would have fought me on it. She would have dug her figurative and literal clicking heels in and tantrumed about wanting to wear her shoes to bed.
Kids need power and control, and this is true when it comes to food as well. The more we control the more they will want it.
This often happens with sweets.
By making our children feel like sugar is something off limits, it makes them focus on it even more.
Now, I’m not suggesting you have zero boundaries. There is a way to make sweets feel available, instead of like a forbidden fruit, while still providing structure and boundaries.
Because sugar exists in our world, our children will be exposed to it, and we need to help them learn how to self-regulate around it. When we make them feel like it’s bad or off-limits, they’re actually more drawn toward it out of a reaction.
If you’re interested in learning how to set boundaries without making sugar feel off limits, jump on the waitlist for my online program, Making Sense of Sweets. It’s designed to help your child self-regulate with sugar and have a healthy relationship with sweets. It’s the best way to help your child moderate sugar instead of being preoccupied with or overeating it.
Get more info and join the wait list now at https://mailchi.mp/nicolecruzrd.com/making-sense-of-sweets-waiting-list
Let's talk about vegetables!
If you’re like most parents, you might be concerned that your child’s not eating enough vegetables.
When we’re raising intuitive eaters and practicing the Division of Responsibility (DOR), we’re usually told that following this approach will help our child eat more variety (including veggies) and not obsess about sweets so much.
But sometimes, that’s not exactly what happens...
Recently in my course, Feed your Family with Confidence, a participant raised her concern that since switching to DOR her child won't eat ANY vegetables and she’s eating more sweets than before.
I know this sparks a lot of concern for parents, but to be honest, this is generally expected and part of the process!
If your child previously had to try a bite of everything or finish their plate in order to get dessert, they may want to test the boundaries, like ‘Can I really get away with eating NO vegetables?’
It can be uncomfortable to sit through, but usually it just takes time to even back out. But even then, you don’t have to do NOTHING.
It might be tempting to go back to requiring a few bites or bribing with dessert. But instead, you might consider:
Trying to make veggies more fun!
Like our FYFWC participant did!
She took all the condiments out of the fridge and had a veggie tasting party! Her daughter was so excited to participate and EAT the veggies. She also went on to ask if they could try a new dressing on kale salad.
💛 Think of providing veggies as fun, instead of a ‘have to get them to eat’.
💛 Get your kiddo involved in the preparation.
💛 Ask them if there is a particular dip or dressing they want to try.
💛 Throw a condiment party and dip a variety of different veggies and other foods!
Rather than requiring, think about fun and exposure :)
For more ways to up the fun, grab my free guide: Make Meals Fun (without a lot
Lately we’ve been enjoying lots of ice cream in the hot weather. We’ve gotten shaved ice, Dairy Queen, and hit up the ice cream truck.
The other day when we were going to Dairy Queen, one of my kids asked, “Mom, can I pleeease get a medium?”
And I said, “Sure! Today everyone can get a small or medium.”
My daughter chimed in with, “I’m small, so I want a small!”
When it comes to eating out and the Division of Responsibility, it can sometimes feel confusing.
As the parents we’re in charge of the what, when, and where. But what about when it’s going out to eat? And what if they want to order the medium or large?
There’s not a clear cut answer. To be honest, sometimes I say everyone can get one scoop today. Other times it’s, get what you want.
At Starbucks I often let my kids choose one item.
Here are some things you might take into account:
👉 How often you eat out
👉 Can you offer additional food, right then or shortly after
👉 Can you start with a little and order more if needed
👉 You might let everyone get something and get additional food to share
And as the parent or caregiver, you’re still in charge of the what. So you can choose to offer a couple options off the menu. This is helpful for younger children who will likely be overwhelmed with too many choices anyway.
However, as your child gets older and can read and make more decisions, limiting their choices will likely feel restrictive and it’s probably best that the whole menu (or at least the majority of it) is what’s available.
Watch the video for more tips and understanding about providing choices and what to consider!
Do you have questions? Drop them in the comments!
For more conversation on these topics with like-minded individuals, join our Free Facebook Group - Joyful Eating for Your Family today at https://www.facebook.com/groups/joyfuleatingforyourfamily
Lets Move on From Diet Talk
Can you relate?
I understand you're excited about your new diet/eating plan.
I know you want to tell me all about it.
I know you want me to be proud of you or commiserate with you.
I know you want to bond talking about food, weight loss, the struggle, the hope…
I feel you and I want you to be happy too.
I want you to feel good.
And I want to connect with you…
But not like this. So please excuse me as I step away ✌
When you’re ready to get support and heal your relationship with food, we’re here. Schedule your free call to see if we might be a fit at Calendly.com/NicoleCruzRD/15min
My kid never wants to eat. What do I do?
Diet-free family nutrition. Helping you & your child have a healthy relationship with food 🥑🧁🍒
